Hydrogen's NSFW Blog, made appropriate

From left to right: Ivan, Alfred, Arthur, Lawrence, and Shawn Braginski. Artwork by Ludwig von Koopa.

So we're posting it here; we aren't doing Alfred and Arthur...
Original blog post.
Ivan Braginski: Thanks a bunch, Russia... with you and this pillow, this movie probably won't be as scary.
Russia: You don't have to watch it at all, you know…
Ivan Braginski: I know... but I want to...
Russia: It is rare to see Ivan reduced to such insecurity… this movie must be true terror…
Ivan turns on the TV. The screen was black for a while, until... A SCREAMER POPPED UP! Terror music played after.
Russia: WHOA!
Ivan Braginski: Whoa! Black screens and then random screamers? Stop it!
Russia: Now Ivan, try to calm down and look at this next scene; it's not so bad!
Ivan Braginski: There's a serial killer in this one, so it's TOO scary! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Russia: Take the time to examine it closer! Stare deep into the white mask...
Ivan Braginski: I'm scared!
Russia: You will soon realize… there is nothing to be afraid of.
Ivan Braginski: What is wrong with you?!
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Shawn Braginski: Thanks a bunch, Russia… with you and this pillow, it's not gonna be that scary!
Russia: You don't have to watch it at all, you know…
Shawn Braginski: Say that again and I'll kill you… let's watch it...
Russia: It is rare to see Japan reduced to such insecurity… this movie must be true terror…
Shawn turns on the TV, only to find a black screen.
Shawn Braginski: Seriously? What is going on with-
A SCREAMER POPS UP!
Russia: AAAAAAAH!
Shawn Braginski: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Some terror music plays after. Chainsaws and zombies were seen in the entire screen.
Shawn Braginski: Real life zombies in a picture; that's just brutal! Make it stop! Please tell me this is just made up; there's no way that's a real zombie! I'm just gonna have to pretend that didn't happen!! Let's go back to the igloo!!!
Shawn Braginski: I'm scared! Turn it off! Hold me! Zombies are TERRIFYING; that was a bad idea!! I'm gonna pee in my pants! This is so scary!!
Russia: Now, Shawn Braginski… try to calm down and look at this next scene; it's not so bad!
Shawn Braginski: There's a SERIAL KILLER in this one!
Russia: Take the time to examine it closer!
Shawn Braginski: I'm scared!
Russia: You will soon realize… there is nothing to be afraid of.
Shawn Braginski: What is wrong with you?!
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Lawrence Braginski: Thanks a bunch… with you and my pillow, it's much less scary!
Russia: You don't have to watch it at all, you know…
Lawrence Braginski: Say that again and I'll kill you… let's watch it...
Russia: It is rare to see Lawrence reduced to such insecurity… this movie must be true terror…
Lawrence turns on the TV, to find a black screen.
Lawrence Braginski: ...seriously? Is the WHOLE movie a black-
A SCREAMER POPS UP!
Russia: OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT!
Lawrence Braginski: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
And then, terror music plays. Ghosts, zombies, and chainsaws were seen too.
Lawrence Braginski: AHH! Real life ghosts AND zombies in a picture...at the same time? That's just brutal! Make it stop! Please tell me it's made up; there's no way that's a real zombie! I'm just gonna have to pretend that didn't happen! Rock A Bye baby on the tree top! When the wind blows, the cradle will rock!!
Lawrence Braginski: I'm scared! Turn it off! Hold me! Zombies are scary; that was a bad idea! I'm gonna pee my pants! This is so scary!
Russia: Now, Lawrence… try to calm down and look at this next scene; it's not so bad…!
Lawrence Braginski: There's a SERIAL KILLER in that one! AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Russia: Take the time to examine it closer!
Lawrence Braginski: I'm scared!
Russia: You will soon realize… there is nothing to be afraid of.
Lawrence Braginski: What is wrong with you?!